Heard on the radio today: the “Australian Christmas Medley”. It included the lines,

OK so it’s not Shakespeare, but at least it’s appropriate. I didn’t catch the rest of the medley, except that it seemed to involve Santa drinking copious amounts of beer.

I asked for an “orange um…” today at a shop. The shop assistant looked at me and said, “Do you mean an icypole?” I said “Yes, thankyou” (I’m very polite). Icypole is the Australian word for what in England would be called an ice lolly. Now I knew this, of course, but all of a sudden ‘icypole’ sounded like a really stupid word, which would make me look like an idiot if I used it. Which is not to say that ‘ice lolly’ sounded any less stupid; they both sounded equally ridiculous. So I just had to say ‘um’ and hope she understood what I meant. Another difficult word is ‘thongs’: sandshoes in Australia, but a type of underwear in Britain. I bought some a few days ago (the shoes, that is), and the shop assistant asked if I’d mind her putting my thongs in the same bag as the rest of my shopping. I looked around embarrassed to see if anyone else had heard.

I think I’m stuck between Australian and British English; they both seem unfamiliar. Hmm, maybe I should adopt the American words for things? I bet they have a nice, sensible name for thongs, flip-flops, sandshoes or whatever they’re called.